This week I’ve been thinking about cruelty. Growing up as a nerdy, gender-nonconforming kid, I spent a lot of time playing with girls, and received some hardcore mean-girl training, often by being on the receiving end of the meanness.<\/p>\n

I also spent time with boys and learned how to tease and joke and gaslight and deny. I was teased often enough, but it still took too long for me to realize that when I did it, it had the same effect on others: I was hurting people.<\/p>\n

So I know that I have a mean streak. When I really don’t like someone, it’s like wanting to scratch an itch: I have to restrain myself from the all-too-human pleasure of being unkind to them. I don’t always succeed.<\/p>\n

I also have a profound capacity to love, and the ability to catch myself in a cruel moment and transform it into a compassionate one where I try to listen to and understand the person whom I want to judge and even punish.<\/p>\n

But all of this is my individual behavior. Something I mostly missed out on has been the whole tribe mentality, the way an entire group can become vicious, such as the team-sports politics of Democrats vs Republicans, Bernie vs Hillary, and so on. While I’m missing the team-gene, I’m just as susceptible as anyone to peer pressure and groupthink, and during the past few weeks I’ve observed how easily I can be influenced by the people around me.<\/p>\n

When I see this hatred playing out in public, it scares and repulses me, in part because it reminds me of my own vulnerable status and insecurity. I can see how someone could manipulate me through that fear: this could happen to you, so stay in line.<\/p>\n

This applies across the board. I’m appalled at some of the messages I see in social media that are intended to support my point of view, but which are expressed with such a profound lack of compassion that I cannot get near them. I understand the impulse: there are many forces, both intentional and unconscious, from the presidency downwards, pushing us all towards greater alienation and brutality. But we must resist. Indeed, I believe it’s as important to resist this as everything else.<\/p>\n

This is a terrible time, and I fear it will get worse. We must be prepared to confront and oppose behavior that has no place in our society. But I hope that we also can continue to see one another as human beings capable of change and growth.<\/p>\n

I don’t identify as a Christian, but I still pray for those who would persecute me, and who are actively persecuting other, much more vulnerable members of our community. And you know what? If those whom I see as my persecutors say they are praying for me as well, I welcome it. Perhaps that act of comtemplation will help them see me in a new light.<\/p>\n

But praying is only part of it. I’m also prepared to fight for what I believe in. With compassion. With determination. And with an openness of spirit that gives both me and the people I’m opposing room to grow.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

This week I’ve been thinking about cruelty. Growing up as a nerdy, gender-nonconforming kid, I spent a lot of time playing with girls, and received some hardcore mean-girl training, often by being on the receiving end of the meanness. I also spent time with boys and learned how to tease and joke and gaslight and […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_monsterinsights_skip_tracking":false,"_monsterinsights_sitenote_active":false,"_monsterinsights_sitenote_note":"","_monsterinsights_sitenote_category":0,"jetpack_post_was_ever_published":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_access":"","_jetpack_dont_email_post_to_subs":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_tier_id":0,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paywalled_content":false,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paid_content":false,"footnotes":"","jetpack_publicize_message":"","jetpack_publicize_feature_enabled":true,"jetpack_social_post_already_shared":true,"jetpack_social_options":{"image_generator_settings":{"template":"highway","enabled":false},"version":2}},"categories":[1],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-366","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-uncategorized"],"jetpack_publicize_connections":[],"jetpack_featured_media_url":"","jetpack_sharing_enabled":true,"jetpack_shortlink":"https:\/\/wp.me\/paaBIi-5U","jetpack-related-posts":[],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/markbaum.net\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/366","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/markbaum.net\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/markbaum.net\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/markbaum.net\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/markbaum.net\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=366"}],"version-history":[{"count":2,"href":"https:\/\/markbaum.net\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/366\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":377,"href":"https:\/\/markbaum.net\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/366\/revisions\/377"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/markbaum.net\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=366"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/markbaum.net\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=366"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/markbaum.net\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=366"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}